Exceedingly Vile Cakes

My parents visited the other day, and, as people do, brought an offering of cakes to accompany the inevitable tea.

Apparently, Dad chose them. A “big name” brand. Mum would have been more likely to select something handmade from a local bakery.

Industrial Baking OvenAll the preceeding is by way of explaining why I have come to have such items in my house. I’m not a fanatic about it, but I tend to avoid what are likely to be “industrially produced” foods. What do I mean by that? Well, these cakes have thirty-four ingredients. Basic sponge, with icing and a jam filling. Thirty-four ingredients.

Now, I can’t imagine any human being deciding that a cake recipe needs thirty-four ingredients. I mean, sponge cake is just flour, eggs and a little sugar, right? Maybe a touch of butter if you wanted. Icing is basically sugar. And jam is, well, jam.

Why would you want to use three different kinds of flour, as these ones have, for example? (Wheat, soya and rice). Plus vegetable fat, skimmed milk powder, salt, citric acid, and all the others. The only explanation is that this complex formula is the only way they can (cheaply) produce something vaguely resembling a cake from their factories.

Oh, and the packaging proudly claims “no artificial colours or flavours”. That’s becase the artificial ingredients (they’re on the list) are classified as “emulsifiers”, “raising agents”, “acidity regulator”, and “humectant”. Can’t make a good cake without some of that ol’ humectant. Yum.

The jam is “raspberry flavoured plum jam”. You couldn’t make it up.

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